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Jun 10

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Ask Dr. Nomo

 

Q:  My husband, George, has been on my case lately, saying that I dint mail the bills, I dint iron his best shirt, I dint cook the roast right, blah, blah, blah.  Then he had the nerve to say that the real word is “didn’t”, not “dint”.  Anyway, when I let him back in the house next week, I want to be able to tell him that “dint” is just as good.  What do you think?        Mildred C., Chattanooga, Tenn.

A:  You dint take your happy pill today, din ya?

 

Q:  I read with interest about the first beehive ever at the White House, recently installed on the south lawn.  Very ecologically sensitive.        Glenn H., Raleigh, North Carolina

A:  Yes, the White House has come a long way in terms of growing and using organic, healthy foods.  As recently as 12 years ago, the term “White House honey” was just the code name for Monica Lewinsky.

 

Q:  What exactly is a “concerted effort”?        Paul C., Atlanta, Georgia

A:  A concerted effort is an intense exercise, reserved for that most challenging of past times – pretending to appreciate the fine arts.

Example:  On a date with his wife, Sam made a concerted effort to stay awake during the symphony.

Q:  Wasn’t poor Sam actually attempting two fine arts – symphony music and pleasing his wife?

A:  He will have to sleep in tomorrow.

 

Q:  Whazzup with all the “-stan” countries in the Middle East?      Charlotte L., Richmond, Virginia

A:  The countries Pakistan, Uzbekistan, etc. are all derived from an ancient root word, roughly translated as “flunk your geography test”.  At the time, there was a powerful warlord named Stan, who ruled Central Asia with an iron fist.  His chief rival was another warlord named Bill, who would capture Stan’s territories and rename them after himself.  Rare maps of the time show areas named “Pakibill” and “Uzbekibill”.  Eventually, Stan forced Bill into exile, and Bill’s son, Chad, formed his own nation in central Africa.

 

Q:  What, in your view, is the hardest part of marriage?        Danny T., Frankfurt, Kentucky

A:  You may be surprised to know that the hardest part of marriage is a mastery of pronouns.  When my wife says:  “I (she) need to do this”, she really means that “we” (her + I) need to do that.  When I say:  “We (her + I) need to improve this”, my wife thinks that I really mean that just “she” needs to improve that.  To deflect “this”, I respond by saying that it is, in fact, only “I” that needs to improve (but I really mean “her”).  Get the picture?

 

Q:  I am personally offended by the term “tomfoolery”.  What bright bulb picked my name?        Thomas A., Annapolis, Maryland

A:  Sorry, but it has a much nicer ring to it than “barbarafoolery” or “guiseppefoolery”.  The term in no way reflects on your lifetime of achievement, Tom.

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