Jun 21

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Wacky Wonky World

A light-hearted look at our crazy planetoid.


From Downtown Seattle Komo:

Dateline:  Seattle, Washington.  A “bunch of leprechauns” beat up a man in Belltown on Saturday, the bruised and bloodied victim told police.  Police say they received reports about the fight around 1:55 a.m. on Bell Street near the Alaskan Way Viaduct, but when they arrived they saw numerous people running from the scene.  Police then saw a man on the ground, who was covered in blood and holding his head and screaming in pain.  When police asked the man who was involved in the fight he said, “It was a bunch of leprechauns,” that were mad because he was dancing with a girl, according to police.  He told police one of the assailants was wearing a white tank top, but could not provide any more details about the leprechauns. 

     A witness at the scene told police a group of men beat him up.  The man was taken to Harborview Medical Center with multiple head injuries and cuts and bruises on his face, back, knuckles and elbows.  Police were unable to find the leprechauns or anyone else involved.

People always say “David, we never see you bust a move”.  I mutter something about a lack of rhythm, but in reality, this is the exact reason I don’t dance.  Oh sure, leprechauns are portrayed as “cute” on Saint Pattie’s Day, but the truth is they have an underground crime syndicate that would make the Mafia blush.


From the Tampa Bay Times:

Dateline:  St. Petersburg, Florida.  The Toyota Scion was so new it didn’t have any dings in its maroon paint. Its oil hadn’t even been changed yet.  On the drive home along Interstate 275, heading north at 70 mph, the Scion suffered its first blemish in an unusual way.  “Gator! Gator! Gator!” Esther Foley shouted about 12:30 Sunday morning while riding shotgun.  Up ahead, near the Gandy Boulevard exit, an old truck walloped the tip of the alligator’s tail.  Legs extended, mouth open and signature teeth bared, the gator bolted, right into the passenger side of the 2012 Scion.  “Like a battering ram,” said 41-year-old driver Bruce Foley.  Esther Foley, 33, had to remind her shocked husband to pull over. 

     On this night, car and gator would meet again.  In the rearview mirror of the scuffed and dented Scion, Bruce Foley watched another car collide with the alligator — longer than the width of the lane — as it scrambled off the pavement.  “What’s going to happen,” he wondered, “when it goes the rest of the way across the median?”  About half an hour later, headlights heading south on the interstate hit a silhouette.  Verna Christopherson, 79, and son Mark were driving home to St. Petersburg, a few bucks richer after a night on the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino slot machines.  By the time they spotted the alligator in front of them on the highway, it was too late.  The car ran over it and launched several feet into the air.  The gator went flying, too.  “He was real fat,” said Mark Christopherson, 56.  The reptile was probably an older male that may have been wandering in search of a mate, he said.  The slow-moving creature would have needed to rest often to make it across two directions of multilane interstate traffic.  Verna Christopherson “kept it pretty cool” while driving, her son said, but he wouldn’t let her get out after they stopped on the side of the road. He scraped a brown ridged scale off the underside of the car. 

     After wreaking $2,000 in damage to the northbound vehicle it encountered, the alligator left minimal marks on the Christophersons’ car.  It caused no injuries.  But the last leg of the dangerous journey proved fatal for the alligator, which died on the side of the road.

I think I understand.  Red car with black tires.  Ugly body.  A little slow.  The gator confused the Scion with a University of Georgia Bulldog football player!


From Lex18 News:

Dateline:  Monticello, Kentucky.  It’s an unusual situation to say the least – a woman in a less than ideal predicament, literally stuck in a bathroom at a Walmart in Monticello.  In a small town like Monticello rumors spread pretty quickly. So when this incident happened last week at Walmart everybody was talking about it in no time. A woman apparently got herself stuck to a toilet for at least an hour. Officials say she went in to use the bathroom, and the seat was covered in super glue.

     EMS had to pull the woman off the seat, and she was taken to the hospital to be checked out. Now officials say this may have been done on purpose.  Police say they are investigating this matter but they don’t want to accuse anyone at this point. Walmart has no comment.

Finally, a real excuse for women being the in the bathroom so long.  And nice bit of detective work, Wayne County Sheriff’s Department.  On purpose, you say?  Ah well, as they say in England:  All loo and no glue makes the john a dull place.


From FoxNews.com:

Dateline:  Middle of Nowhere, Tunisia.  It was in a galaxy far, far away … otherwise known as Tunisia.  The iconic homestead on Tatooine of future Jedi knight Luke Skywalker — where his loyal aunt and uncle hid him from the prying eyes of the empire — was actually filmed by George Lucas and Co. in the deserts of Tunisia. But the spot where Luke dreamed of epic Tie Fighter battles and zipping around the galaxy was crumbling — until Terry Cooper came along.  “It’s the most iconic scene of all six Star Wars movies,” 42-year-old Welsh superfan Cooper told “Wales Tonight,” a program on TV station iTV. “And knowing that that place does exist, in a real place on Earth, that’s free to go and see … it’s something that we thought it would be a shame if this ended up as just a faceless ditch in the desert one day.” 

     Learning of the crumbling film set — it’s actually located outside of the remote Tunisian village of Tataouine — Cooper and some fellow fans set up a Facebook page and started collecting donations to repair the “moisture farm.”  Within a year, 425 donors gave amounts ranging from $1 to $600 apiece to build a $11,700 fund.  Working in the desert heat alongside local workers, the team had just six days to complete the restoration of “Lars Homestead” (named after Luke’s aunt and uncle, Owen and Beru Lars) and restore the crumbling building to a facility worthy of a rebel leader — a future rebel leader anyway.  They reinforced the outer layer of the edifice with wood before reattaching the props Lucas and his team built so many decades ago.

Raise a glass of blue milk to the memory of Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru.  Now if only someone could rebuild Carrie Fisher’s crumbling acting career.  (Yoda:  Strong I am with the force, but not that strong.)

Permanent link to this article: http://conversaving.com/2012/06/21/wacky-wonky-world/

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