Turmoil has engulfed the Allen household. There are questions about what to have for dinner, and what the next blog post should be. There are too many choices. Confusion is everywhere.
Jedi Knight David Allen replies that he can’t even go to the bathroom without being interrupted, much less come up with dinner ideas and blog posts. This comment doesn’t exactly endear him to Jedi Master Wifey-Poo.
Just when all seems lost, Jedi Knight Allen comes up with a brilliant idea – why not summarize all of his random thoughts and observations of the week into one wonderful blog post, full of news items, funny items, and pointless drivel. The weekly post would be called “Dave’s Dots”. Why “Dave’s Dots”? asks Jedi Master Wifey Poo. Because it is a much better title than “Dave’s Extrapolations”.
As for dinner, given a choice between leftover turkey divan and ham sandwiches, I choose to go to that mexican
The summer movie season will be soon upon us and the first blockbuster of 2013 will undoubtedly be J.J. Abrams’ sequel to Star Trek (2009). The sequel stars Benedict Cumberbatch and some other people you probably don’t know. Most of my diehard fans (whoever they are) know of my extreme admiration for all things Benedict Cumberbatch. Cumberbatch is said to play the “ultimate villain”, with the boldness of Capt. Kirk, the wisdom of Spock, and the looks of Pavel Chekhov. Er, check that, the looks of Lt. Uhura. (But I got your attention.) Star Trek 2, The One With Benedict Cumberatch In It, opens nationwide May 17th.
And speaking of space travel, the New Horizons probe just passed the halfway mark between Earth and its intended target – Pluto. Launched in 2006, the probe just went around the “elbow” of the Solar System and is now headed towards Uranus. Unless it gets caught in traffic, the probe should reach Pluto by July 2015, when it will capture the first ever close-up images of Pluto. Within the probe are the cremated remains of its discoverer, Clyde Tombaugh. Mr. Tombaugh is truly going where no man has gone before…
Whether conservative or liberal, I just don’t care what the Supreme Court says anymore, after the Obamacare debacle last summer.
In Disney news, a man recently won an $8000 lawsuit over being trapped for a full half hour on the “Small, Small World” ride. Talk about your cruel and unusual punishment. Unfortunately, $8000 will only get you a burger, fries and an ice cream cone at Disney.
And speaking of fast food, a Connecticut man threw his “unsatisfactory” McDonald’s meal back through the drive-thru window and at the pregnant manager, police reported Tuesday. Question: Would the food server in this case be considered a “hambungler”? (Those of you born after 1985 have no idea what I’m talking about.)
(Now that stupid “Small, Small World” song is stuck in my head!)
My obligatory sports post for Ryan “Go SEC” Edge:
Excited by the appearance of Florida Gulf Coast in the Sweet Sixteen of the NCAA basketball tournament, the ACC president formally invited Florida Gulf Coast to join the ACC in “all sports”, in an effort to forge a strong Atlantic Coast / Gulf Coast alliance. When reminded that Florida Gulf Coast does not have a football team, the ACC president replied “Neither do the other ACC teams, what’s your point?”
Elsewhere, the SEC formally filed a motion before the U.S. Supreme Court in an efforrt to legally define “straight football” as “the union of one SEC team and another SEC team on a large football field”.
And speaking of sports, things got a little out of hand recently during a victory celebration for San Jose State women’s tennis team over their Western Athletic opponent, Seattle University. Police were called when several fruit smoothie stands were knocked over….
You know, I don’t think that there is a man, woman, or child alive that doesn’t enjoy the periodic partaking of a puffed pastry. (You just spit on yourself didn’t you?)
Where the wild things are: An Indiana man was arrested yesterday after reportedly trying to hunt deer (yes, with a gun) in a Walmart parking lot.
And speaking of wild things, I am so glad that we are just having a family Easter egg hunt in our quiet backyard this year. Two events that bring out the worst in people are Easter egg hunts and Black Friday shopping. I’m tired of it.
Watch closely what is happening with the banks in Cyprus. What is happening there could happen anywhere.
From the “Thank goodness I’m a Man” file: London baby George King weighed 15 pounds, 7 ounces at birth, and measured 26 inches long. He already wears 6 month old clothes. King George is more like it.
Soon to be a bestseller: The Honey Boo Boo family is preparing a cookbook, due out this summer. I can taste that triple chin sketti now.
And now, some questions from our vast audience (haha):
Q: I am antsy about my appearance on the upcoming National Spelling Bee. Any advice? Ann K., Falls Church, Virginia
A: Don’t ask me. Those things make me break out in hives, and that is no picnic.
Q: Does this blog make me look fat? Cindy L., Anniston, Alabama
A: No, your fat makes you look fat.
And, since the “Small, Small, World” song is undoubtedly out of your head now, I will close with a gentle reminder. You can thank me later.