Apr 26

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Dave’s Dots

546071_10151592082127340_95376825_nYoung people, you better take the lessons of Earth Day seriously, or Uranus is in trouble.

You also better take spelling seriously, especially if you are the sign person at Spalding County High School.  I’ve heard of slowing down during a vacation, but that’s ridiculous.




Their, thats’ bettur:









For that matter, are we sure “Menomonie” is spelled right?

Meanwhile, back at the ranch:  The Hidden Valley Ranch Love Your Veggies school program was created after a study found that children tend to eat more vegetables when paired with a moderate amount of ranch dressing.

Another study also found that children tend to do more creative crafts when paired with a moderate amount of glue sniffing.

And speaking of sniffing:   George W. Bush cried at the end of his speech at the opening of his presidential library in Dallas, Texas this week.  His crying wasn’t about missing the Presidency.  Instead, he revealed that Cindy Sheehan was still camped outside his Texas ranch, and she was starting to smell really bad.

And speaking of sniffing bushes:  From Foxnews –  Don’t take the cinnamon challenge. That’s the advice from doctors in a new report about a dangerous prank depicted in popular YouTube videos but which has led to hospitalizations and a surge in calls to U.S. poison centers.  The fad involves daring someone to swallow a spoonful of ground cinnamon in 60 seconds without water. But the spice is caustic, and trying to gulp it down can cause choking, throat irritation, breathing trouble and even collapsed lungs, the report said.

Should we really have to tell kids not to do this?
And speaking of spicy spoons:  Reese Witherspoon was arrested along with her husband in Atlanta this week for engaging in a verbal altercation with a police officer.  The officer had pulled over her husband on suspicion of drunk driving.  Soon, Ms. Witherspoon tired of the process and began engaging the officer in “lively conversation”, which led to her arrest for disorderly conduct.

Mrs. Witherspoon asked, ‘Do you know my name?’ I answered, ‘No, I don’t need to know your name.’ I then added, ‘right now.’

Mrs. Witherspoon stated, ‘You’re about to find out who I am.’ I stated, ‘I am not worried about you ma’am.’

Mrs. Witherspoon also stated, ‘You are going to be on national news’

An unfortunate “illegally blond” moment for “America’s sweetheart”.

From the Get a Sense of Humor Department:  Nice little practical joke on UNC quarterback Bryn Renner during spring practice.  Looks like he got mad about it.  Dude, enjoy life once in a while.

Actually, when I first saw everyone fall down I thought it was footage of Notre Dame playing Alabama in the National Championship.  (Yes, I know that was ugly.)
Congressman Hank Johnson (D-Ga.), the gift that keeps on giving:
April 26, 2013 – Speaking on the Responsible Helium Administration and Stewardship Act of 2013, which would prevent the closure of the Federal Helium Reserve, scheduled in October:
“Mr. Speaker, I’m relieved, and I’m sure that the American people are relieved as well, that Congress is finally going to do something about one of the most pressing issues of the day,” he began. “That is, we’ve got to ensure access to helium for all.  “Imagine, Mr. Speaker, a world without balloons,” Johnson said, apparently in jest. “How can we make sure that the injustice of there being no helium for comedians to get that high-pitched voice that we all hold near and dear to our hearts.”  Johnson continued: “Too often lately, this body has sat deflated — not for lack of hot air, mind you. But seriously, ladies and gentlemen, unlike a noble element, this House has failed to act on Americans’ real concerns.”

Congressman Johnson said he was speaking “in jest”.  Yeah, right.

(Note:  The Federal Hot Air Reserve actually exists, and it is not Congress.  It is out west, somewhere.)

March 25, 2010 – Speaking about U.S. military buildup on the small island of Guam:

“My fear is that the whole island will become so overly populated that it will tip over and capsize.”

Congressman Johnson said he was speaking “metaphorically”.  Uh huh.

I have a compromise solution.  Take the Helium Reserve to Guam, tie some really large balloons to one end of the island, and the island will not tip over!   David Allen, Congressman, 2014.


Your waiting-for-Season-4 of-Downton-Abbey-fix:

Downright Crabbey

Needith falls in love with a Springer Spaniel, but is crushed when it runs away to chase a butterfly;  Lord Grantham invents a pressurized chamber to make his American wife “infinitely more British”; Tea time begins to get on Merry’s nerves; Thomess tells Lord Grantham that “his shirt’s on fire, now its out”, thereby gaining his Lord’s trust and being made executor of his will; Dazey feels underappreciated

On this day in history:  April 26, 1803 – Thousands of meteor fragments fall from the skies at L’Aigle, France; the event convinces European scientists that meteors really do exist.  France immediately surrendered and a peace treaty was made with the largest meteor chunk.

Permanent link to this article: http://conversaving.com/2013/04/26/daves-dots-5/

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