May 24

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Dave’s Dots

73155_169668099717189_781169_nYe do not know the Hour….  From WFSB –  “A Norwalk man skimming through a local newspaper said he found an image of Jesus Christ in a blob of ink.  Joseph McCaffrey told the Norwalk Hour he was reading the May 2 edition when he mentioned to his wife that the movie section had a large blob of ink.  “I didn’t see it at first, but as I was reading the paper, I said to my wife the movie section was blotted out with ink and held it up for her to see,” he told The Hour. “And she shouted, ‘It’s Jesus!'”  According to the article, McCaffrey then snapped a photo of the holy sighting to show his friends and family.  “Some see the image, some don’t,” he said in The Hour. “The overwhelming majority said they could definitely see Jesus.”  But McCaffrey has a few questions.  “If Jesus is really trying to send me a message, I wish he popped up in the Lotto section instead,” he told The Hour. “Does he want me to see a movie?”

Look for the newspaper on ebay real soon.

That’s nothing.  Nurse Anna Pierre not only saw Jesus, but he apparently endorsed her candidacy for mayor in Miami.


Pierre said Jesus came to her in a dream.  “I had a revelation when I was going to give up on this race. I had a dream. I know what I saw,” she said. “A figure I can’t explain told me, ‘Don’t be afraid. I am your friend. I am walking with you side by side. You are not alone.’ I felt it was from heaven. It was an endorsement by Jesus.” 

Sadly, Ms. Pierre came in last place in the seven candidate mayoral race.  Evidently, she lived in a district of atheists.  Still, wouldn’t you want a nurse that was endorsed by Jesus taking care of you?  I should think so.

Another ebay alert:  Ringgold, Georgia resident Cliff Kluge claims that he found the original recipe for Coca-Cola in a box of old letters from a recent estate sale.  Said Mr. Kluge:

“There is no doubt (at least in my mind) that whoever typed the letter had seen the original recipe for Coca Cola, and they reference that on the second page – “On page 83 of the Extractor….” Is it the original recipe? I don’t know, but more evidence and external factors are falling in place to bolster the fact that this could be the original, with an emphasis on the word “could”. Looking at the recipe, it certainly is a lot more complicated than I could have ever imagined.”

“Could” turned into “would”, as in “would” someone “Buy It Now” on ebay for, say, 15 million?    A 15 year old actually attempted just that a few days later, but it was deemed to be an illegitimate bid.  Kluge admits that he wasn’t serious about the bid, but he would have certainly been thrilled had a legitimate bid for 15 million actually come through.  Curiously, this was the same recipe that National Public Radio “found” a few years ago and posted on their website.  On the back of their recipe, however, was found an imprint of the Obama birth certificate.

15 million?  Heck, the gift that keeps on giving is:  Anthony Weiner.  In a particularly dry news cycle, disgraced former Congressman Anthony Weiner rises out of the ash heap of history to announce his candidacy for Mayor of New York City.  Thanks, Anthony for saving the day, comedically speaking.  Curiously, if Weiner wins the job, he would not be the first American in high office named after a sausage.  That honor goes to Felix Frankfurter, former Associate Justice of the United States Supreme Court.

And speaking of fast food in the news:  Charles Ramsey, the hero that helped the three kidnapped girls in Cleveland escape to safety, will be rewarded with free hamburgers for life from various local restaurants for mentioning a “Big Mac” in his television interview.  Ramsey will be given a stampable “Chuck Card” good for a free burger upon request at any participating restaurant.

You know, I saved a kitten from a tree several months ago, and I was thinking about Porterhouse steaks at the time……

Or, you can try and get free food this way:  From Pottstown, Pennsylvania –  A man went to a pharmacy and a pizza shop in Pottstown and a grocery store in West Pottsgrove Township and tried robbing the places with his fingers in the shape of a gun, police said.

The cashier called police with her hand in the shape of a phone.

Maybe the robber should have used a purse in his holdups:  A recent study found that one in five purses contain more bacteria than a toliet.  The dirtiest items in the purse were found to be the ones that women periodically smear all over their face – creams, lipstick, and mascara.  This is funny for several reasons:

1.  Women think men are filthy pigs.

2.  Women think men on toilets are even filthier pigs.

3.  You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear.  (I know this doesn’t make sense, but I had to tie pigs to purses somehow.)

Your verbatim quote of the day:  Courtesy of FoxNews.com –  Screaming winds of infernal violence alternate with periods of dead calm as one nears the surface of Uranus, according to a new analysis of the gas giant.

It will be a great year with Anthony Weiner running for mayor, but, you know, we will always have Uranus.

Because, if there’s one thing we can all agree on, it’s that baseball isn’t slow enough.  From Newstelegram.com – Major League Baseball hopes to expand video review by umpires for the 2014 season and says all calls other than balls and strikes could be subject to instant replay. Commissioner Bud Selig and MLB executive vice president Joe Torre say they still can’t commit to expanded replay for next year. Torre hopes to have proposals by the August owners’ meeting. Replay has been in place for potential home run calls since August 2008. Selig initially wanted to add trap plays and fair/foul calls down the lines, but Torre said a far larger expansion is possible.

First purses and now pedicures.  You women are disgusting!  A recent study has found that there are up to 100 different kinds of fungi living on the average person’s feet.  The study is also quick to point out that there are good kinds of fungi and bad kinds of fungi.  The good fungi on your feet help keep the bad fungi in check, such as the type that causes Athlete’s Foot.

I’ll Take Manhattan.  On this day in history, Peter Minuit purchased the island of Manhattan from the Indians for the equivalent of $24.  Today in Manhattan, $24 will get you about a 10 mile cab ride.  (Bonus fact:  Did you know that the name Manhattan is an old Indian word for “land of the big ol’ soda”?)

Also on this date in history.  In 1940, Igor Sikorsky successfully completes the first single-rotor helicopter flight, which is impressive considering that the “rotor” was really his arm spinning really fast over his head.  Mechanized helicopter flights soon followed.

Ending on a serious note.  Yes, I can be serious.  And I have always been bothered by the fact that Memorial Day seems to lost in the shadows every year by young and old, so much so that the day is more regarded as the start of summer rather than what it really is – a tribute to those who gave their life in the service of this Country and for freedom everywhere.  So, when you are putting on some suntan lotion, flipping burgers, playing sports, or just sleeping in, remember their sacrifice.


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