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Jun 14

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Dave’s Dots

68058_10151226012634489_1606683031_nCleanliness is Next to Godliness, And Nothing Will Get You Next to God Quicker Than:   From the U.K. Telegraph – “A woman who discovered an unexploded World War II bomb in her garden terrified her husband by washing it in the kitchen sink.  Carole Longhorn, 65, took a number of unusual safety stops after discovered the explosive – including putting a plastic chair on top of it – before bomb disposal experts took it away.  She hit the metal object with a spade while she was gardening at her home and when she looked closer realised it was in the shape of a shell.  The gardener then put a plastic seat on top of the bomb just in case it went off while she shouted for her husband Clive, 60.  Once she had dug it up she took it inside their house and left it on the coffee table, before Mr Longhorn heard a rattle and turned around to see his wife washing mud off the bomb in the sink.  Police were called and experts confirmed they believed that the bomb was still live. They took it to a nearby quarry where a controlled explosion was carried out.   Mrs Longhorn said: “I called my husband to come and have a look at it, but he wouldn’t so I brought it indoors.”  Mr Longhorn said: “She took a few precautions. She put a plastic seat on the top in case it went off.  “I heard a rattle in the kitchen and saw she was washing it in the blooming sink. You can imagine what I said to her.”  A bomb disposal squad from RAF Wittering, Cambridgeshire, were called to the couple’s home in Melton Constable, Norfolk, following the discovery on Wednesday.  Mr Longhorn added: “The bomb disposal team said it was live and that we were very lucky.” 

And Speaking of Bombs:  The Will Smith / Jaden Smith movie After Earth will easily be the biggest flop of 2013, and probably the worst movie of Will Smith’s career.  But I don’t blame him, I blame the director M. Night Shyamalan.   Remember when he was considered the next Alfred Hitchcock?  He used to be the happening, with a sixth sense when it came to making good movies.  You think he would have read the signs on this one, though.  Today, he is just regarded as the village idiot.  Sadly, his movie curse may be unbreakable, or at the very least a devil to overcome.  (Sure, that’s bad comedy, but at least you didn’t pay movie ticket prices for it.)

Let the Wookie Win:  Star Wars actor Peter Mayhew (Chewbacca) was recently detained at an airport for using a lightsaber replica as a walking cane.  Due to its weight, the cane underwent further inspection by a TSA supervisor and was soon released, but still not soon enough for Mayhew.  An onlooker said:  “I bet they wouldn’t let the average Joe through with that thing.”  The TSA supervisor replied:  “That’s because the average Joe doesn’t rip people’s arms out of their sockets when they aren’t allowed through.  Wookies are known to do that.”

From the Yes, This is Real Department:  From The Guardian – Dr. Christopher Bartneck of the University of Canterbury, New Zealand has completed a study of over 3500 different styles of Lego people created over the last 35 years, and he is concerned with the results.  There appears to be a large trend of more angry faces depicted on Lego people these days, which may have larger consequences:

“It is important to study how to create appropriate expressions and how these expressions are perceived by the users. Children’s toys and how they are perceived can have a significant impact on children,” said Bartneck. “We cannot help but wonder how the move from only positive faces to an increasing number of negative faces impacts on how children play.   It is our impression that the themes have been increasingly based on conflicts. Often a good force is struggling with a bad one,” said Bartneck. “The number of new faces that the Lego company introduces every year is increasing steadily. Lego started producing a greater variety of faces in the 1990s. Happiness and anger seem to be the most frequent emotional expressions.”

lego-man-brighton_1017813cPersonally, I think the butter has slid off of the good doctor’s pancake, so I satellite interviewed perhaps the most famous face in Legoland, the giant Lego man who mysteriously washed up on a Florida beach in 2011.

Conversaving:  Good morning.

Lego Man:  This headphone doesn’t appear to be working.

Conversaving:  That’s because you have no ears.

Lego Man:  Oh, yeah.

Conversaving:  Anyhoo, what do you think about Dr. Bartneck’s study about angry faces?  Does it connect with Lego people?

Lego Man:  Sure, it does.  You think about the today’s generation of Lego – they are hitting a brick wall when it comes to finding other jobs, and they feel like they are cast into place and can’t break the mold.  Can a Ninjago or Space Police ever assimilate into the City?   These are big issues.  No wonder there are angry faces.

Conversaving:  But, you almost drowned in the ocean, you were taken into police custody, you still don’t have a full time job, but your smile is still there.

Lego Man:  I’m from the old school ’70s sets.  No one bothered to ask a Lego man how he felt back then.  So, we just smiled and pressed on.  Today’s Lego is allowed a wide range of emotion.  But is that always a good thing?

Conversaving:  How’s life been lately?

Lego Man:  Fair to middlin’.  I bounced around from job to job for a while.  I thought I had really found my dream job when I was signed up as a backup center in the European Basketball League.  But after a while, I couldn’t take the hostile crowds anymore.  They kept yelling “Brick!” everytime I took a shot.

Conversaving:  Oh snap!

And speaking of faces in the news:  A kitten with two faces was recently born in Amity, Oregon.  The cat appears to be healthy, except for the two little faces having to share one set of body organs.   The cat also appears to say “weow” instead of the normal meow.  (My friend Kyle Gooden claims that really all cats are two-faced when you get right down to it.)

A big week for Conversaving (one year anniversary) and a big week in the annals of history as well.

June 15, 1580 – Philip II of Spain declares William the Silent to be an outlaw.  There was no comment from William.

June 15, 1752 – Benjamin Franklin proves that lightning is electricity, forming an appendix to his original treatise, That Wet Stuff is Rain, Right?

June 15, 1836 – Arkansas is reluctantly admitted to be the 25th U.S. state.  Travelers from Tennessee to Oklahoma noticed something strange moving in a cage near the road and it turned out to be Arkansas.  They immediately reported this to authorities.  Privately, authorities admitted that they hoped to keep Arkansas a secret for as long as they could.

June 14, 1949 – Albert II, a rhesus monkey, rides a V2 rocket to an altitude of 83 miles, thereby becoming the first monkey in space.  Sadly, the rocket crashed in the Arizona desert, but tourists today still peruse the area for rhesus pieces.

Early Christmas gift ideas (fer real):

1.  The Honey Boo Boo Cookbook – Summer 2013

Featuring small town crowd pleasers like homemade cheetos and “sketti”.

2.  Duck the Halls:  A Robertson Family Christmas – October 29, 2013

A Christmas song album featuring the whole family.  (fer real)

3.  Justin Beiber duct tape.

I have a great idea where to put that first piece.

Well, it is Father’s Day once again, and that red-headed stepchild of Mother’s Day takes another pounding:

–  A new study has shown that, on average, 40% more is spent on mothers on Mother’s Day than fathers on Father’s Day.

–  Another study has shown that 8 out of 10 women believe that men “never stop being childish”, and that the mature age for men is thought to be 43, while the mature age for women is thought to be 32.  (My wife will be glad to know that I will be considered mature next year.)

Anyway, I think that us fathers are much better than we are portrayed in the media sometimes.  I close with a Father’s Day video, Lego style.  Now, if Luke and Darth can overcome the dark side of the Force and various missing appendages to have a Happy Father’s Day, then surely we can seize the day ourselves.

Courtesy of The Guardian:




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